A morning rendezvous at the hotel buffet started our last day in Foggy London Town. I snuck into the meal as I was not a hotel guest but still took it upon myself to indulge in the bountiful harvest known as "Buffet". We all met outside and began our walk to the House of Jewels.
Other than my grandmother informing me of this "glorious occasion", I saw more paraphernalia of this royal marriage than one hitters for sale in TJ. They had EVERYTHING decked out with this cornball's stupid Chevy Chase smeared all over it. I mean perfectly good plates, mugs, t-shirts tainted with with d-bag's impersonation of Mr. Ed blasted on top. "Run Away!!"
We chose to visit the Tower of London as it was a pinnacle site for the trip. Things happened here. People died. Kings were made. Wars were fought. We went in for the scoop.
This guy is called a "Beefeater". These men must be chosen to become a Beefeater by the Queen herself. You must serve in the English military for 20 years before even being considered. They live behind the walls with their families and don't leave. They double as a tour guide. This is considered to be a huge honor.
We first walked through a pretty hefty portcullis that would crush you if dropped.
We were brought into the grounds and were told about the 6 blackbirds that MUST AT ALL TIMES be on site. It's a tradition that will never be broken. "The bird's caretaker is the smoothest one around here. All he has to do is blow a whistle and six birds come to him!" - Beefeater Jokes.
We went into the church that's on the grounds. This place was BUCK! The entire floor was atop countless kings and queens entombed bodies. Even Lady Jane Grey was buried in there. It was kinda gnarly to be sitting in there.
And to my left was the king and queen that were "pulled apart, limb by limb". Fuck. When we walked out of the church, Mike and I asked the Beefeater if he had witnessed any ghosts. He said "For Sure!" He said there's an old man that lives in the church and he also pointed out a few residential plots, such as the Doctor's House and some random lofts, that have FREQUENT activity. This man was quite serious.
We then made our way to go inside to see the Crowned Jewels.
Homie doesn't move.
While taking this photo of the front gate entrance to the Jewel House, I was barked at by a Beefeater to refrain from taking photos in this area.
Luckily I was able to continue my photo barrage once inside. This storage facility was incredible with the different armors of the Kings who had once been.
These outfits are super medieval and in pristine condition.
This costume was TOUGH. These guns were amazing.
A mini overview of the Tower of London.
A couple of 6 Foot Swords.
This was a cathedral inside the Tower.
We then arrived to the Weapons Room. Bolos n shit!
24 Karat Gold Plated.
The Self Execution Station. HEAVY.
This mask was the creepiest thing there. This is the mask worn by the Beheader. Knockin' heads off the block with a smile on his face.
THE ACTUAL BLOCK. This thing was so BUCK. It had slice mark and chips out of it from the blows. The Beefeater had told us the execution ceremonies would take place just on top of the hill a ways. He said many people would show up to the event for entertainment. He also said the bloodiest and most gruesome death on the hill happened when the Executioner didn't sharpen the axe blade so the vic took multiple blows to the dome unleashing a pool of blood everywhere.
Eventually we came around to the Jewel House. The Beefeaters in that area specifically said to 'NOT TAKE PHOTOS OF THE JEWELS", which means "DON'T GET CAUGHT TAKING PHOTOS OF THE JEWELS". So while Mike and I are standing on the moving walkway that strolls us in front of the Crown Jewels, a scepter with the second largest diamond in the world attached to the top, which is the size of a baseball and many other ridiculously decked out royal goods, I decided to have Mike block while I snapped one of the Crown. I told Mike "Don't move." 'Click' Got the photo. We reached the end of the walkway and Mike starts saying "You're rolled. You're rolled." Next thing I knew a guard came up to me and asked to see my last picture. Turns out I didn't even get the photo but lucky for me cause they were heated.
I came outside with a very full brain of the warlike tactics of the English. Also with a better understanding of the River Thames and it's filth.
A bird eating a dead bird in the riv. Cheers.
This was our last night in England so Mike and I went out and strolled. We passed through Picadilly Square where we watched a man limbo under a 8 inch bar, we were offered to buy some crack and we found some legendary spots too. This is the building and stance of the "Ziggy Stardust" David Bowie album.
Best part about England is they get straight to the point. This is an advert in a suit store. Classy.
Mike was hyped to find this historic Beatles building.
Then we saw ourselves in the window of some store!
Reppin' SD Baby!!
This is Eric Clapton's gentleman's store. Ties, socks, suits, shirts, etc. True Class.
I left Mike behind as I had to wait at the train station for the train to Paris. I was gonna take the Chunnel and meet him there the next day. I slept in the station for a few hours because my ride was at 5am. It was freezing and barren. They were prepping for the Olympics too.
Paris... Here I come.
